Bang Out of Order

Stuck Inside of Malmesbury with the Minety Blues Again

Tartan con trails cast their shadowy net across the town, as I counted the pot holes in Abbey Row on my way to seek out ghosts of Tetbury past, wafting the back alleys of Malmesbury Town. Valerie was every where whilst Jackie and Jeanette were on every corner. Suzanne would leap out of every doorway while Clicker Cleaver shouted down from every roof top.

Oliver Pike rode by on his way to Freedom of the Borough for a pint in our newest public house in Hong Kong Street down-town Filands. I waded past the Lycra cyclists swarming around the Market Cross like bees in a hive. I could not believe my eyes, Dave Witt and Steve Cox riding tandem being chased by Sue Poole on a unicycle.

Rick Hood in cowboy boots was line dancing on the Abbey Roof with Ian Nurden, Clicker and Gagger looking more like Riverdance as they attempted to copy their steps. Far down below Andrew Somers doing his best Air Guitar, whilst leaping from tomb stone to tomb stone, while the Whole Hog regulars sang Whiskey In The Jar.

Tim Pike blocked the whole High Street while he carefully hoisted the entire Market Cross onto the back of his lorry taking no notice of Titch Rickatson punching at his knee caps. The Ghost of Henry Wheeler – out shouting ‘Come on you Reds’ to Ruth Strange’s ‘Chelsea’. Rachel Spray stood hands on hips stamping her foot calling out ‘That’s Bang Out of Order’.

I dove into Athelstan’s Museum of the future where every exhibit had not yet been invented. Roger Griffin was counting out the money, four and twenty Jackdaws wallowing in their sty. I put a penny in the slot to see what Mr Wills got, two big cannon balls from the Mary Rose, well at least it was not buck shot. Ray Sanderson congratulated me on passing my test 44 years ago as I stepped outside and gazed around the Cross Hayes at all the Coachstyle buses awaiting the starters gun for their pilgrimage back to Poland.

I took out my mobile and called Gary Moore and said, have you Still Got The Blues, he replied that Gabrielle had returned to Birmingham on the Eight Fifty Two from Hankerton. I ended the call and dialled Sandra and told her to meet me at the bus stop in Corston in ten minutes. This town is all History, I’m returning to the future as fast as this stolen Tardis will take me, for I ain’t gonna be stuck inside of Malmesbury with the Minety blues, never again.

Again, “That’s Bang Out Of Order,” said Rachel.