Revelation Number Nine

TARDIS at Malmesbury Abbey

TARDIS at Malmesbury Abbey

Episode 9

Facing that enforced journey, no man can be
More prudent than he has good call to be,
If he consider, before his going hence,
What for his spirit of good hap or of evil
After his day in tardis shall be determined.

It had been a very busy morning in the Abbey Café and its staff were taking a well earned rest before the next expected swamping of the Nave with two parties from Bath delivered by the delightful Mad Max and Lions Tour mini buses. With tea bags and cake replenished, Ruth turned to face Stella.

“Have you noticed how we never see David and Lorenzo in the same room at the same time,” noted Ruth.

“Yea, funny that isn’t it – Sarah,” quipped Stella, with the emphasis on Sarah’s name.

A rattled Sarah replied, “Look I wasn’t to know was I, after all he was wearing a crash helmet when I first met him.”

“Was that in Scotland or over in the Bird Cage, Sarah!” replied Stella with a wry smile on her face, looking at Ruth.

“Look out, customers,” said Stella looking at the other two, who immediately turned around to see who was approaching. “It’s all right, it’s only Diana,” added Stella.

Diana walked quickly across to the café and asked why the TARDIS had now appeared around the front of the Abbey and suggested, could it be moved as soon as possible. Robert The Book Boffin had appeared out of the Parvis behind Diana and was now walking behind her with an arm full of books.

He heard Diana’s urgent tone of voice and interrupted, “I’m sorry Diana, it’s my fault, it’s just I thought it would be a great idea to go back in time and visit William of Malmesbury and ask if we could borrow some of his books for Wessex Week, after all he isn’t going to miss them, as they disappear in history anyhow, so why not grab the moment so to speak.”

“What a good idea Robert, are you going straight away, because if you aren’t, then I also have an idea,” stated a now happily smiling Diana.

“I was planning to go in about half an hour, if that’s not too long to keep the TARDIS waiting out front, if that’s okay with you Diana,” replied Robert.

3D Laser Target Compilation - Malmesbury Abbey © David Forward

3D Laser Target Compilation – Malmesbury Abbey © David Forward

“Robert, I was thinking, wouldn’t it be fantastic if Ron Bartholomew could come along too, don’t you think? I could give him a call right now, as I know he’s at home this morning. I’m sure he’d love to go along for the ride.”

Wessex Week Malmesbury

“That’s a good idea Diana, I’ll just finish collecting a few more books that I’m going to take with me to swap with William. Andy Orchard is coming too as our translator, I don’t think William would be able to understand a word I have to say.”

“Robert,” said Stella slowly, “Are you not going to scare the living daylights out of Willy and his pals.”

“We’ve thought of all that, The B of The Bang and Michael ‘Two Bridges’ Langtree, are coming with me too, and we’re all going to be dressed up as monks ourselves, and we’ll make out we’re just some tired pilgrims from Sherborne or somewhere.”

“Robert,” says Stella really fast, “How are you going to explain ‘Printed’ books with shiny covers.”

“Good one Stella, good one, we’ll have to think of something on the way there, or should that be, on the way here, if you see what I mean, I think we’ll persuade William it’s a miracle performed by our Great Magician Ron Bartholomew, yes that should probably work.”

Sarah chipped in, “They’re hardly likely to want to part with their great books being so valuable and having taken so long to write and illustrate, are they?”

“Your are right of course Sarah, but we’ve already thought about that and we’re taking our old illuminated Bible’s, ivories, jewelled crucifixes, golden and silver candelabra, onyx vases and elaborate wood-carvings and superbly embroidered vestments, as a deposit you understand!”


“But then we’re going to lose all of those, how are you going to explain that away to the new Vicar.”

“Well you and Lorenzo can go and sneak them back next week or something, I’m sure we’ll work something out, maybe we’ll bring William back with us to keep an eye on his precious books, I expect he’d love a cuppa in Café Apocalypse!”

“Right I’ll go and phone Ron up right now,” says Diana looking very excited.

Stella turns around to face her chief bottle washer, “Ruth, fancy a spin in the TARDIS, where would you like to go if we could ‘Borrow’ it one night after work?”

“I’d like to nip back and see St Aldhelm, and teach him how to write decent poems,” exclaims Ruth with an air of disgust.

“Oh, I was thinking more, Australia 1934 with Betty Archdale, and coming on myself as number three,” said Stella all cockily.

And with that Annetté comes walking out of the kitchen.

This ain’t gettin’ the babby a frock and pinny,

don’t werit, only codding cagmags.”


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“Any resemblance between the characters in this story and any persons, living or dead, is a miracle.”

15 October, 2017
All images and written works by David Forward are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License