Coup d’état Stage

Alexander Inglis & Son Ltd. - TARDIS Manufacturers © Malmesbury Memories

Alexander Inglis & Son Ltd. – TARDIS Manufacturers © Newton St. Boswells

Episode 3

Dissociative Identity Disorder

“So what you are saying then,” enquired Lorenzo, “is you are both the Doctor, all two of you, or would that include the other 50 or so clones of you working on all those other TARDIS?”

Andrew began answering whilst Michael nodded in agreement with all that was said.

“As you know the Doctor, that is I,” Michael began to explain, “regenerates himself, in what appears to be another body when he, (“That’s me,” chipped in Andrew) “me,” continued Michael, “is severely injured or anything happens to him – that would normally kill any other normal person.”

Andrew took up the explanation, “I had slipped and fallen off one of the eight large grain silos at Alexander Inglis & Son Ltd. at Charlesfield near St. Boswells, whilst being chased by Angus Donnachaidh. My assistant intern from your Malmesbury Abbey, managed to get me back into the TARDIS, she did an emergency materialisation with the hope of getting me to hospital but we were hit by Intergalactic Turbulence whilst entering a Time Warp, and at that moment I died, and being stuck between two Time Zones, I regenerated into two new Doctors instead of just the one.”

Sarah’s and Lorenzo’s heads were turning back and forth in unison as if watching a tennis match as the two monks either side of them continued their story of multiple clone chaos.

15th Century Wooden Carving Malmesbury Abbey © David Forward

15th Century Wooden Carving Malmesbury Abbey © David Forward

“Can I just ask,” interrupted Lorenzo, “how do you explain all the clones?”

“Ah! – I can explain,” said Michael, “each time we go through a Time Warp, the one of us that died, that’s both of us, dies again and bounces back into this Time & Place, whilst we, that is me,” (“And me,” adds Andrew.”) “continue on through, thus becoming four – two in one TARDIS – and two in a new, but old replicated TARDIS, that returns here to our Abbey.”

“So each time you take out a TARDIS on test, you get an extra one plus two Doctors in return.” questioned a really confused looking Sarah, whilst Lorenzo just stood there, scratching his ‘Bobble-head’ noggin.

“Well not quite, it only seems to happen if the TARDIS in use is faulty, that’s why you see myself and all my other selfs, desperately trying to fix all the other TARDIS,” said Andrew and Michael in unison.

“Now we must get you back to Scotland in the only TARDIS that we know works properly, as we don’t want another mishap and end up with multiple Sarah’s and Lorenzo’s – that would be – a totally unacceptable disaster indeed,” stated Michael.

Sarah had another urgent question, “We saw half a dozen four foot singing chickens back there down by the stream, any explanation Doctor?”

“Hello,” came a new surprise voice from behind, “pleased to meet you, my name is Dr. Robert Hitchings, I’ve been researching how to grow ‘hens teeth’ so as to transplant them into my patients who have lost their own teeth, it mostly happens due to excess vibration of faulty TARDIS transits through turbulent warps,” explained a ‘new face’ to Lorenzo and Sarah – well in this parallel universe at least – as he also looked to be a Doppelgänger of their very own Robert the Book Boffin, back home in their own Abbey.

Dr. Robert went on to enlighten the Green & Purple Bean Duo, how he had, ‘over done it a tad,’ with the vitamin B-12 shots laced with amphetamines, on some poor innocent chickens that had been ‘captured’ as he put it, by one of the AWOL Doctors who had recently sneaked off to watch WOMAD at Charlton Park. “We’re not sure where they were taken from exactly, but we think they were part of a performing Polish – Singing Chicken – Act, on stage at WOMAD.”

“Anyhow we do intend to return them sometime very soon, and I am sure they will be a great big hit in their new size, I do expect they will be eagerly sought after by Michael Evis to open at Glastonbury on the Coup d’état Stage,” ‘Muttley chuckled,’ an unusually happy looking Dr. Robert.

Lorenzo and Sarah now found themselves hurtling through the Space Continuum faster than the speed of light and accompanied by six super-sized Contralto voiced chickens, not to mention a few very large boxes of, rugby ball sized, free range eggs.

Giant Chicken's Egg


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“Any resemblance between the characters in this story and any persons, living or dead, is a miracle.”

10 October, 2017
All images and written works by David Forward are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License