Leucosia and Lorenzo
I was down to my last slice of Warburton’s Wholemeal as I trekked over the sand dunes and onto the north end of Rhossili Bay. I’d thrown better bread to the sea gulls at Port Eynon but I was hungry now and even the sand grinding between my teeth tasted good. I was grateful Eddie’s Restaurant had thrown it into their wheelie bin. So beggars can be choosers after all I thought.
I gazed through the haze south towards Worms Head. I could hear a faint buzz and thought worms don’t hum or sing even. Through the heat rising from the sands I could see faint specks and they seemed to be moving in my direction disappearing every now and then into the mirage of optical puddles. Yes they were definitely coming closer and there was definitely a humming noise fading in and out with the crashing waves.
Then as if the stage curtains has risen a hundred radio controlled milk crates approached all revving like formula one racing cars with tiny little clouds of blue exhaust fumes pouring into their wake. The Swansea Milkmen’s massed return of the Sunday empties were aiming straight for me. I had three choices, right for the dunes, left for the flood tide or take them head on like Marion Morrison.
I wasn’t Christened Columbanus for nothing, I knelt down, shut my eyes tight and prayed for two gold top and half a dozen eggs. Sneaking a peak out of a spare corner to one eye I saw the Milky Bar Boys turn and flee back in the direction of Singleton Park. Maybe I’ll head them off at the Mumbles.
A voice began singing out from behind a rock, why of course it was little old Cerys Elizabeth Matthews, only she wasn’t looking like the girl I knew in junior school any more and her bikini left nothing for the imagination. I suddenly felt like a crayfish in boiling water. I was so embarrassed I didn’t know which direction to look, so kept both eyes wide open and firmly fixed on the siren.
“That was Road Rage” I exclaimed.
“I thought you handled it just like Tom Jones” said Cerys.
“Yes they certainly look as if they’re heading for the Green Green Grass of Home, don’t they” I chuckled shyly.
“What’s up, haven’t you seen a beautiful woman before” said Cerys walking closer and circling slowly around me. I was feeling like a fly in a spiders web waiting for her to bite.
The redactors censored the next few paragraphs, I have no idea why, but I was now sat in a beat up old Volkswagen Beetle heading east along the M4 with the crazy Welsh woman behind the wheel singing “I Believe in You” by Bob Dylan from Slow Train Coming as she forced the needle round the speedometer to its stop peg. Before I could rewind my thoughts, we had arrived at Junction 32 and were now heading for the Caerphilly District Miners Hospital.
We decamped from the Beetle in the Watford Road and Cerys ran into the hospital as I tried to keep up with her.
“We’re here to see Dr Allnatt” she stated to the receptionist.
“Do you have an appointment” she retorted.
“He’s expecting me” replied Cerys indignantly, “he’s my father.”
I fell flat on my back with amazement at this shocking revelation.
“I’m afraid you’ve just missed him, he’s gone home for the day.”
Cerys hauled me to my feet and pushed me through the doors and we ran back to the Beetle. I had hardly sat down, when she took off before I could even shut the door.
“What’s the hurry” I asked.
“Just be patient” she said, “you’ll find out.”
No sooner had I got the seat belt on, then we were screeching to a halt again.
We then hung a right into Nantgarw Road and it felt as if we were on just two wheels. A few more right turns and we approached what looked like a castle in a lake. We crossed a moat, then through a large gate and over a wider moat and entered the castle.
“Where’s this” I asked.
“Dad’s house” snapped Cerys.
This time my jaw dropped, then my head shot forward towards the dashboard as we slid to a halt on the cobbles.
“Dr Allnatt I presume”.
“And you are?”
“My name is Lorenzo” I proudly proclaimed.
“Obviously a very good friend of my daughter”, he went on explaining how she only ever brought her closest friends here to the castle.
I stuttered “Why yes of course, a very close friend indeed”, turning in the direction of Cerys as if to seek her support.
“Well ask him then” she commanded.
“Ah, ask him what exactly?”
“Oh come on, ask him now or I’ll chuck you in the lake.”
Dr Allnatt looked at me with a great big grin on his face.
“I think she wants you, to ask my permission, for her hand in marriage” he said with a hushed voice and a somewhat very sympathetic tone to his voice.
Hell Fire I thought, turning towards the water. I seemed to be seeing crocodiles swimming everywhere. With sweat now pouring from my brow I took the only alternative and spoke dryly to the Doctor.
“I’m deeply in love with your daughter and…” before I could get any more words out I felt a thump in my back.
There was a huge splash as I hit the water and another one a split second later as that mad Welsh woman leaped screaming with joy into the lake beside me. After swallowing what seemed like half the lake I was hauled out onto the bank and Cerys proceeded to practise her life saving skills on me. The amused Doctor looked on and shouted down to me.
“You’re lucky son, you’re the first one she’s ever pulled back out.”
I felt like a seal being tossed into the air by a killer whale, and that’s LUCKY?