Days of Yore

The snow lay thick upon the ground as Lorenzo entered the Oozleworth Valley from the north. Lizzy and her Lorenzo were out in the countryside taking in their favourite views along a route they so often took, since they first met in their teens. The deep snow was no problem to Lorenzo, as he had taught himself to drive in old bangers by sliding around in fields on wet grass. Lorenzo’s stripped out tin box cars were like well fitting running shoes becoming an extension to his body giving a direct feel for the conditions of road surface below. He did not believe in the ultra comfort of today’s modern cars which insulate you from the real world and lead the inexperienced drivers into so many calamities. Lorenzo drove his cars just like a skilled snowboarder or skier would safely negotiate their way down a tree covered mountain slope in the deepest depths of winter.

It was the first clear blue sky of the week after the many previous dark days where the solid grey, snow laden skies had come down to meet the frozen ground with the howling winds driving their crisp deposits into beautiful sculptured drifts changing the shape of the countryside into an unrecognisable, ultra white art form.

Lizzy was wrapped up warm in her thick woolly hat, scarf and gloves with her booted feet stretched out below the car’s heater, she looked out over the fields to her left where the sheep were huddled behind a dry stone wall with a large drift of snow curling over its top.

Suddenly there came a familiar voice over the CB radio, it was that of Sir Basil Trumpington Hardgrind.

One Four, One Four are you out there Green Bean?

Lizzy picked up the Mic and replied.

Hiya Bazzer, it’s Lizzy here, got Lorenzo right by my side. How can we help you?

Ah Lizzy, you know what, that fiendish Barrington Harpweasel has gone and abandoned his cronky old car in my lane, I wondered if you could give me a hand to shift it to one side so as I can get the Bentley out.

Sure thing Bazzers, we’ll be right with you in a couple of minutes.

Ten Ten till we do it again, We’re Up We’re Down We’re Gone.

Roger Dee, Lizzy.

Hey Lorenzo that’s a bit of luck, I wanted to get a photo of Bazzer with his Bentley for that article I’m doing on the website.

Yea Lizzy, I want to see if he’s got that 50 Bar Straight he owes me, lol.

Lorenzo and Lizzy were just approaching Bazzer’s drive. When Lizzy suggests Lozzy does a 180 over shoot and drifts it back into the entrance. Lozzy takes up the challenge and finally turns into the skid enough to send old “Trannie Annie” sliding through the gap between Barrington’s old banger and the concrete milk bank with three inches to spare either side.

Lizzy and Lozzy tumbled out of Trannie Annie’s open doors and rolled around in the snow laughing their heads off as Bazzer opens the milking parlour door and steps out onto the milk bank.

You two are “Nutters” do you realize that?

Yo! Bazzer me old mate, hows yer cows howling then.

They’re fine apart from Harpweasel should have been here to milk them by now. Recon he’s still tucked up with Suzanne if he’s got any sense, that’s where I’d be if I were in his shoes!

Anyhow I’ve an important meeting soon and I need you two to fire up the Unimog and pull Weasel’s banger out of that drift, you know I can’t climb up into that thing with this bad leg of mine. Oh and Lorenzo, try not to do any damage to Weasel’s pride and joy will you, good lad. You two pop into the kitchen when you’ve done and we’ll get the old girl to put a brew on for us.

Oh, by the way, “Lozzie + Lizzie”, very nice!

What’s that Bazzer?

Your windscreen sun strip, retro, very retro.

Actually do you think you could get me one for the Bentley, “Bazzer + The Old Girl”, she’d love that.

You know why I call her that, she’s just six days older than me, well she’s always laying it on how she’s so much older and wiser than me, so what da ya think?

No probs Baz, see ya inside soon.

Hey Lizzy, and he says we’re nutters, imagine Baz n Steph with their names on a sun strip on their brand new Bentley, he’s havin’ a laugh, lol.

Loz, ya know, I think he was serious!

6 January, 2015

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All images and written works by David Forward are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License